The saddest part of hurting someone because of anger is when you can’t even remember what you were angry about, but you’re still suffering the consequences of your actions.
I’m burning up. I’m at the bottom of a pit and I’m still falling, and I’m never climbing out.
Minsan, minsan lang naman. Hindi kailangang lahat ng binibili mo ay sulit (matibay, kailangan, magagamit atbp.) Kasi minsan mas magandang bumili ka ng walang kwentang hair clip kahit na hindi naman talaga s'ya ganun tatagal, kasi favorite n'ya yung color pink. Sasaya s'ya pag may hair clip s'yang color pink. Kahit hindi naman sulit yung bulaklak, malalanta rin naman 'yun, hindi mo pa madadala yung petals sa langit, sana bilhin mo parin kasi alam mong mapapangiti mo s'ya kasi paborito n'ya ang mga rosas. Minsan kahit ampanget naman ng damit, sana pagbigyan mo parin kasi minsan lang s'ya maging bata. At idol n'ya talaga si Batman. Sana, sana pagbigyan mo parin. Tapos pagtanda nila maaalala nila, "Napaka panget pala nung clip na pinapabili ko sa nanay ko dati. Pero binili n'ya parin. Kasi paborito ko yung pink. Ang saya saya ko n'un. Pinili n'ya kong pasayahin. Sira na yung clip ngayon, pero yung alaala at saya na nabigay nung hair clip na 'yon, hindi nawala. " Pag namatay ka naman tingin ko hindi itatanong ng Panginoon kung gaano ka sulit, kakintab, o katagal tumagal 'yung mga binili mo. Ang itatanong N'ya, siguro, hula ko lang naman 'to, baka ang tanong N'ya, gaano karami yung napasaya mo sa binigay N'ya sayo. Minsan kasi, hindi kelangan ng logic. Minsan lang naman. Wag lagi, mamumulubi ka n'yan. Pero minsan, puso lang sapat na.
Oh, yet another note. I’d still request the same
July 24, 2015
Bakit kailangang magsigawan ng tao sa kapwa tao? Bakit kailangang taasan ng boses ang taong sinumpaang mamahalin habambuhay? Bakit kailangang unahin ang sarili sa mga panahong dapat pinaglalaban ang mga katagang aalagaan kita habambuhay Anong nangyari sa mga salitang mahal kita sa mga hapong pagod at wala pang pagkain sa mesa Ang dating ikamamatay mo kung wala sya'y naging Bakit nga ba niligawan kita Paano nababago ng panahon ang mga pangakong nagbikis sa dalawang pusong pinag-isa Bakit kailangang gamitin ang mga salita para sumugat ng kapwa Paano naging sanhi ng luha ang taong dating pugad ng tuwa
Saw this poem on my long lost note app. I still wonder why
Oct. 17, 2015
Quote not mine. I just read this on a friend’s post and made it into this. If it would do you any good, feel free to make this your lockscreen 🌻
I read this at the time that I was feeling so unsafe. (Read “First day of work”) Then I remembered how there may be perverts and danger roaming around, but through these words God gently whispered to me,
“Hey, darling, you’re safe. I’ll always keep you safe.”
It was supposed to be a lovely day at work. I talked to my tita about expectations and plans and I was excited for it. I liked what she explained was suppose to be my job. I did field work that day. My task was to collect data about wedding receptions: their rates, inclusions, additional fees, etc. I traveled a lot. I loved it. I really really do! Seeing new places I’ve never been before and talking to people. I felt like omg I could do this forever, like, collect data anywhere. I was riding a motorcycle driven by a guy. At first it was okay. I’m comfortable with him since he’s not being that flirt, suspicious stranger and all. He’s just there. Kindly existing and doing me service. And I believe I’m not being all too friendly. As for the way I look, I’m just in very comfy, decent clothing: green turtle neck long sleeves, black pants, (very dirty) white rubber shoes, and a face with minimal color just to be presentable. I was every now and then asking some places and talking to him but then when I mentioned where I work, he suddenly changed and began to flirt. When I went inside to inquire in an events place (he waited outside) and came back, he just, changed.
He asked for my number. But I pretended I was busy thinking and planning on where to go next. (But really, I am. I wanted to get out of his presence) I tried to change topic by asking for an apology for the disturbance I may have caused. (I didn’t ask for help tho. I just asked some tricycle drivers about hotels and directions and was determined to go to them by foot, [or by jeepney, depending on the most efficient itinerary I can plan]. I was already walking to the direction of my workplace [may apartment kasi dun, naging friend ko yung land lady at makikicharge lang sana ako kasi dead bat na me], when a tricycle driver passed by and said he’ll just take me to some of the places I need to go. He has a passenger so isasabay na ko. After a while, when he needed to go back to his work, he directed me to his brother-in-law so the b-i-l could continue what he had started. Nang damay baga.) He answered by saying “may lagnat nga ako kanina e,” I was about to say sorry again but he continued, “pero nawala nung nakita kita” and I ignored him like I heard nothing (pero kanina sinabi n’ya tinatamad lang s’yang pumasok. I was really uncomfortable. I just want to go home. Or for any trusted friend to pick me up. Or be with me. Or I don’t know I just want to be away from him). He asked again for my number so if I need anything blah blah, I said if I need help I could always see the tricycle driver that helped me in the first place. At the end of my acting to be busy I mustered enough energy to say that I’m done and I’m going home. (I read an article about rape tho, that it’s not just fight or flight, there is also freeze. and it’s more common. You could read it here) I rode again at the back of the motorcycle for the last time, enduring the discomfort inside me and just appearing to be all calm. I gave him money as payment, then some guys kinda shouted “hiya ka pa e” because he was refusing and “kunin mo number!”
I hope you give away things while they still have the capacity to give happiness. Things wear out. Let it go. It’s worth it.
If I'm ever going to marry, I will never ever ever marry a hot-tempered man.