Today is the day I first called God “Tatay”.
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Today I learned how to love myself

I was just writing on my planner. Nag linis ako ng baul ko ng art materials ngayong araw. Kasabay rin n’on yung pagsusulat ko (nanaman) ng “life rules” ko na madalas ay hindi ko naman natutupad. Na lagi ay mafufrustrate nalang ako kasi bakit ba napaka inconsistent at unorganized kong tao. Lagi nalang, lagi nalang. (At iba pang bakit-ba-kasi-hindi-ako-gan’to things) Then a thought just came to my mind,

Maybe I just first have to accept that I’m really not a naturally consistent and organized person. It’s just how God made me.

This is not an excuse to just go and destroy my life kasi “magulo lang talaga ‘kong tao”, pero maybe I just have to  stop forcing myself to be that organized, picture perfect human being and start appreciating who I am and who am I not, together with my quirks, my mess, and my inconsistencies.

Maybe after I know and accept how God wired me to be will I only be able to love and take care of myself by means of discipline.

Maybe discipline starts from loving youself.

Maybe I need to be amazed with myself first.  Besides, I am a mystery that is so exciting to discover. Before anyone else have the joy of decoding my wonder, maybe I should first be the one to see and discover and embrace how mysteriously and wonderfully made I am. Only then can I truly value this treasure God has given me.

Live at peace with yourself, self. Relationships are not only with God and with other people. I guess you also have to have a loving relationship with yourself. And just like any other relationship, closeness is not automatic.

‘Di naman porke lagi kayong magkasama ng sarili mo eh close na kayo. Pwede mong araw-araw kasama ang isang tao pero hindi mo s’ya kilala.

You’d have to be intentional in knowing the other person (yourself). You’d have to observe her, be patient with her, be happy with her, remember the things that never fail to bring a smile on her face, remember the things that drain her– respect that, and keep her away from those. Forgive her. Appreciate the mess she is that only she can make and be. Love that. Then love yourself enough to want to gently change yourself the way God wired you to undergo change. Only then can you be truly contented and happy with who you are and how God uniquely crafted you.

Your Heavenly Father filled you with wonder and mystery you yourself would even enjoy exploring.  Oh how creative His expression of love is ❤ very experiential :3 Maybe it’s His way of making you see through His eyes. Just like how you are so amazed and fond of that boy, or that sunset, or that nightsky, God is more amazed and fond of you.

Love yourself.

Only then can you also genuinely see how wonderful God is with how He created others 🙂 and learn to accept and appreciate and love those around you together with their imperfections.

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Baler trip snapshots of happiness

 

1. Two chicharon vendors delightfully chatting beside the highway on a hammock tide to the metal bars of a small empty billboard.

2. Four children sitting on the high walls separating the highway from the mountain land, eating freshly picked fruits under the shade of trees.

3. Seven goats running ON the road. #Batas

4. Two men fishing.

5. Two pigs eating grass.

6. A carabao peacefully bathing.

 

Minsan nalulungkot nalang ako pag ngumingiti ako sa isang taong hindi ko kakilala tapos hindi s’ya ngumingiti pabalik, hindi dahil hindi n’ya ko nginitian, pero dahil nababasa ko sa mukha n’ya na hindi na s’ya sanay na may taong ngumingiti sa kapwa tao– na kakaiba ‘yon. Alam ko namang hindi talaga lahat ay sanay ngumiti o palakaibigan. Pwede ring badtrip lang talaga s’ya sa araw na ‘yon. Pero ang nakakadurog ng puso ay yung kita ko sa mga mata n’ya na hindi n’ya alam kung anong gagawin kasi walang ibang tao sa buhay n’ya na ngumiti sakanya.

Dear Darling

 

As much as you deserve the best, they too, also deserve the same treasure.

They don’t deserve to be treated less than what they are really made of. They don’t need you to be whole.

Let them be who God designed them to be.

Let them have the adventure of pursuing you. Do not rob them of their joy by giving your heart out. That is not love, that is selfishness.

Be the wonder God made you to be, don’t chase.

That is their call. Do no rob them of their adventure.

Paborito

 

Tumingin ka sa paligid
Nakikita mo ba?
Dalawang salitang nakaukit
‘Yan ang laging nasa isip

Inihuli Kita aking sinta
Sa lahat ng ginawang obra

Pinaliwanag ang mundo
Sa isang salita Ko
Hiniwalay ang tubig
Sinunod ang mga puno

Ipwinesto ko na rin
Ang araw, buwan, at bituin
Para ‘di ka na malito
Kung kailan mahihimbing

Matapos nito’y pinalangoy ko na
Pinalipad at pinagapang sila
Hayop, ibon, basta may hininga
Para sila’y pamunuan mo,
Alagaan ng totoo

Lahat ito ay ginawa Ko
Para makita mo ang marka
Dalawang salita, siyam na letra

Mahal kita

Maniwala ka

Tumingin ka ulit sa paligid
Malinaw na ba?
Mula alikabok hanggang bituin
‘Yan ang lamanin
Pero mas maganda ka parin
Sa Aking paningin ❤

Sa kabila ng lahat ng ito
Langit, lupa, pati mga chico
Walang makakapantay sa’yo
Ikaw ang obrang pinaka paborito ❤