The saddest part of hurting someone because of anger is when you can’t even remember what you were angry about, but you’re still suffering the consequences of your actions.

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 The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel like all is as it should be. -Anne Frank

 

Minsan, minsan lang naman. Hindi kailangang lahat ng binibili mo ay sulit (matibay, kailangan, magagamit atbp.) Kasi minsan mas magandang bumili ka ng walang kwentang hair clip kahit na hindi naman talaga s'ya ganun tatagal, kasi favorite n'ya yung color pink.

Sasaya s'ya pag may hair clip s'yang color pink.

Kahit hindi naman sulit yung bulaklak, malalanta rin naman 'yun, hindi mo pa madadala yung petals sa langit, sana bilhin mo parin kasi alam mong mapapangiti mo s'ya kasi paborito n'ya ang mga rosas. 

Minsan kahit ampanget naman ng damit, sana pagbigyan mo parin kasi minsan lang s'ya maging bata. 
At idol n'ya talaga si Batman. 

Sana, sana pagbigyan mo parin.

Tapos pagtanda nila maaalala nila, 

"Napaka panget pala nung clip na pinapabili ko sa nanay ko dati. Pero binili n'ya parin. Kasi paborito ko yung pink. Ang saya saya ko n'un. Pinili n'ya kong pasayahin. Sira na yung clip ngayon, pero yung alaala at saya na nabigay nung hair clip na 'yon, hindi nawala. "

Pag namatay ka naman tingin ko hindi itatanong ng Panginoon kung gaano ka sulit, kakintab, o katagal tumagal 'yung mga binili mo. Ang itatanong N'ya, siguro, hula ko lang naman 'to, baka ang tanong N'ya, gaano karami yung napasaya mo sa binigay N'ya sayo. Minsan kasi, hindi kelangan ng logic. Minsan lang naman.

Wag lagi, mamumulubi ka n'yan. Pero minsan, 

puso lang sapat na.

 

Oh, yet another note. I’d still request the same

July 24, 2015

Bakit kailangang magsigawan ng tao sa kapwa tao?

Bakit kailangang taasan ng boses ang taong sinumpaang mamahalin habambuhay?

Bakit kailangang unahin ang sarili sa mga panahong dapat pinaglalaban ang mga katagang aalagaan kita habambuhay

Anong nangyari sa mga salitang mahal kita sa mga hapong pagod at wala pang pagkain sa mesa

Ang dating ikamamatay mo kung wala sya'y naging

Bakit nga ba niligawan kita

Paano nababago ng panahon ang mga pangakong nagbikis sa dalawang pusong pinag-isa

Bakit kailangang gamitin ang mga salita para sumugat ng kapwa

Paano naging sanhi ng luha ang taong dating pugad ng tuwa

 

Saw this poem on my long lost note app. I still wonder why
Oct. 17, 2015

Quote not mine. I just read this on a friend’s post and made it into this. If it would do you any good, feel free to make this your lockscreen 🌻

***

 I read this at the time that I was feeling so unsafe. (Read “First day of work”) Then I remembered how there may be perverts and danger roaming around, but through these words God gently whispered to me,

“Hey, darling, you’re safe. I’ll always keep you safe.”

First day of work

It was supposed to be a lovely day at work. I talked to my tita about expectations and plans and I was excited for it. I liked what she explained was suppose to be my job. I did field work that day. My task was to collect data about wedding receptions: their rates, inclusions, additional fees, etc. I traveled a lot. I loved it. I really really do! Seeing new places I’ve never been before and talking to people. I felt like omg I could do this forever, like, collect data anywhere. I was riding a motorcycle driven by a guy. At first it was okay. I’m comfortable with him since he’s not being that flirt, suspicious stranger and all. He’s just there. Kindly existing and doing me service. And I believe I’m not being all too friendly. As for the way I look, I’m just in very comfy, decent clothing: green turtle neck long sleeves, black pants, (very dirty) white rubber shoes, and a face with minimal color just to be presentable. I was every now and then asking some places and talking to him but then when I mentioned where I work, he suddenly changed and began to flirt. When I went inside to inquire in an events place (he waited outside) and came back, he just, changed.

He asked for my number. But I pretended I was busy thinking and planning on where to go next. (But really, I am. I wanted to get out of his presence) I tried to change topic by asking for an apology for the disturbance I may have caused. (I didn’t ask for help tho. I just asked some tricycle drivers about hotels and directions and was determined to go to them by foot, [or by jeepney, depending on the most efficient itinerary I can plan]. I was already walking to the direction of my workplace [may apartment kasi dun, naging friend ko yung land lady at makikicharge lang sana ako kasi dead bat na me], when a tricycle driver passed by and said he’ll just take me to some of the places I need to go. He has a passenger so isasabay na ko. After a while, when he needed to go back to his work, he directed me to his brother-in-law so the b-i-l could continue what he had started. Nang damay baga.) He answered by saying “may lagnat nga ako kanina e,” I was about to say sorry again but he continued, “pero nawala nung nakita kita” and I ignored him like I heard nothing (pero kanina sinabi n’ya tinatamad lang s’yang pumasok. I was really uncomfortable. I just want to go home. Or for any trusted friend to pick me up. Or be with me. Or I don’t know I just want to be away from him). He asked again for my number so if I need anything blah blah, I said if I need help I could always see the tricycle driver that helped me in the first place. At the end of my acting to be busy I mustered enough energy to say that I’m done and I’m going home. (I read an article about rape tho, that it’s not just fight or flight, there is also freeze. and it’s more common. You could read it here) I rode again at the back of the motorcycle for the last time, enduring the discomfort inside me and just appearing to be all calm. I gave him money as payment, then some guys kinda shouted “hiya ka pa e” because he was refusing and “kunin mo number!”

I just kept on walking…

 

***
I felt unsafe. It’s just, sad. It’s just really sad. I felt betrayed in a way and unsafe. It’s sad how, I also just lost a potential friend. I’m repelled. On my way home I remembered when I was cat called before my graduation, and how I instantly hated all  male strangers in the world, and wanted to eradicate them in the face of this planet, and wanted hurt them– physically, emotionally, and I don’t know, just burn in eternal fire. (what he did was disgusting, really disgusting. I was a n g r y). But the Holy Spirit slowly reminded me that I shouldn’t hate them… in fact I should feel sorry for them. I have something they don’t have. And that’s a relationship with Jesus. I have hope. I have love, I have forgiveness, and you know, a nice mindset and outlook in life… but yes, I was also reminded to be firm and always on guard, but also strive to be a gentle ray of sunshine in this dark world. Even if sometimes, it’s scary to be a woman 😦 </3
I talked to God this morning, I slept feeling unsafe and unwell. I decided to forgive him yesternight and I decide to forgive him again this morning. Just like how I also forgave that man who cat called me before my graduation… and how Christ forgave me. And decided not to generalize men and believe that there are still nice male strangers in this world who mean me no harm and won’t see and treat women as anything less than who they really are.
But next time I will bring a big shiny knife and just hang it chillin’ on my wrist just so people will know I’m not going to tolerate any perverts 20 meters near my breathing site and I don’t mind going to jail.

 

I seriously thought of that.

 

If you’re reading this I would really appreciate any self-defense tool. Like a chain saw or something. Kidding aside, really, you could send it to me.
If you’re a man reading this, I pray that you’ll be a spark of hope. A resting place, where women (since my post is about women, no gender thing right there) could feel safe (not romantically u know, but just, plain safe). I hope if you happen to see any perverted acts happening around you, I really do hope you stand up, and do something. I’m not requesting you to fight back, I just, I don’t know. I hope God would give you wisdom on what to do. I hope you stand up (I don’t know in what way) for the women who unconsciously and unwillingly choose to be silent, or even if they are not silent, even if they choose to stand up for themselves, I hope you stand up with them. It’s a scary place to be, we won’t mind a little

 

protection.

 

I hope you give away things while they still have the capacity to give happiness. Things wear out. Let it go. It’s worth it.